Monday, March 21, 2011

Starch Nemesis

I'm finding that I have a love/hate relationship with sugar.

I'm talking ANY sugar. Processed and or Natural.

For some odd reason my body does not metabolize sugar like its supposed too. No matter how much I exercise, or how little I eat, if I follow your basic food triangle, I will blow up to a 500 pound orca, and that's WITH exercising 6 days a week.

I've done testing, I've seen a douchebag endocrinologist, who told me that "yes, you're fat, yes you have a slight metabolic syndrome, so eat less and exercise more". I never felt so humiliated in my life. I was at 1200 calories a day, and exercising with a personal trainer for 5 days a week.

Right now, I'm at 1500 calories a day. Some will tell me I need to eat more. I can't. I do not have the stomach of a person that weighs what I weigh. I can barely force down those 1500 calories, all healthy mind you. My diet consists of Yogurt, Eggs, Low-fat meats, dark green veggies, and Quinoa, the only "grain" I truly allow myself. I rarely splurge on the fruit.

I should weigh 150 pounds.....

My body hates me.

Monday, March 7, 2011

The Settlement

I am through with settling for things.




I think that I have settled with alot in my life. I've always been pretty relaxed about certain decisions, and made to be "okay" with it. Well...I am done.

I've been thinking alot lately. These massive life changing thoughts that have really compounded this nearly 37 year old brain, which in turn have caused many restless nights, emotional outbursts and general feelings of WTF?.

I am almost 37. I have lived pretty much "okay" through most of it. I've had a roof on my head, and hot meals. I've gone to "school" and got an education. I've bought a car, I've bought a "house". I have been married and I have a child. Pretty boring, pretty mundane, pretty usual.

I wish I had/have done more. I wish I applied myself. I wish I could stop watching the world go by me in such a blur, that I'm left, my head spinning wondering what happened.

I look at what I have done my life and I realize that I have "settled" into a comfortable zone. That needs to change.

I will redo our budget. I will rethink and retool how I will possibly/maybe go back to school, and get back to making real money again. I will not sit on the couch every night, sociallizing when there's a whole world of things I could be learning; for myself AND for my family. I am SICK of what I have become. Just because we don't have the means to do alot...WE can do more. I WILL write out that five year plan. We WILL try for #2.

I just can't settle anymore. I can't sit here and wallow in my self misery and think of "what was". I need to grab my life by the horns, and wrangle it in. I need to do this for US.

My goals:
lose 50 pounds in 2011
learn to sew
learn to knit
read more
sell off or get rid of the clutter
exercise more/Yoga
find out about how I can get back into school
try for #2

I want to add more, and once I learn a trade, I will. All these goals are attainable and highly reachable.

No More Settling.